We were in the 4th grade when a food fight erupted in the cafeteria at the table next to us. The lunch monitor came over, looked at the offenders, then turned to us.

“This behavior is unacceptable,” she said. “Report to detention in my class after school.”

“What? But Mrs. Diaz,” we protested, “they were the ones throwing food!” 

“That may be,” she answered, “but why would I want those hooligans in my classroom?”

A similarly absurd narrative came from the recent bankruptcies of First Brands and TriColor: Two non-private equity-owned businesses in auto parts and sub-prime auto loans, respectively with financings led by banks, not private credit managers. And allegations of fraud surround both companies. And double pledging of assets.