We were in the 4th grade when a food fight erupted in the cafeteria at the table next to us. The lunch monitor came over, looked at the offenders, then turned to us.

“This behavior is unacceptable,” she said. “Report to detention in my class after school.”

“What? But Mrs. Diaz,” we protested, “they were the ones throwing food!” 

“That may be,” she answered, “but why would I want those hooligans in my classroom?”

A similarly absurd narrative is being spun around the First Brands and TriColor bankruptcies: Two private businesses, one in auto parts, the other sub-prime auto loans. No private equity sponsors. Financings for one in the bank market, the other in the ABS market. No direct lenders. Allegations of fraud and double-pledging of assets.